In this blog I’m going to give you 8 ways in which you can start to improve your relationship with your partner today……..
1) Make a firm decision that you are going to commit to improving the relationship today.
The first step in achieving anything is to make the decision that you want to make a change. This decision, then needs to reinforced with a clear commitment from you to achieve the goal. To really enhance the process it’s best to focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. This small trick encourages your mind to actively search for ways to get what you want. In this instance, you want a better relationship with your partner.
2) Examine your expectations of your partner and the “rules” you have about how relationships “should” be.
With regard to your expectations, ask yourself, are your expectations realistic for them? How much effort does it take for your partner to meet your expectations? Are they realistically able to do it? If not, reduce your expectations so that they are able to do so. It’s good for you if they do as it means that you will feel more content and it’s good for them as they feel that they are able to you happy.
We develop “rules” about how relationships “should” be from our previous experiences. “Rules” are just opinions about how life “should” be. They are not set in stone and can be changed at any time, with a little motivation. If holding onto a certain “rule” means that you are not having the type of relationship that you want, then you are allowing an opinion to get in the way of your happiness. Any “rule” can be changed if it is having a detrimental effect on you and your partner. So take a look at your “rules” or your “shoulds”. Are any of them getting in the way of you being closer with your partner? Do any of them need to be eliminated or even changed slightly so that you can get on better with your other half?
3) Think about life from their perspective.
Start to think about situations from your partner’s position on a regular basis. We often assume that others are coming from the same perspective as us. This usually isn’t the case. If you’re not sure what they feel, then make some time to ask them and listen with an open mind. Avoid being defensive when they do this.
4) Be positive about them.
If you think something positive about them don’t hold back and keep it to yourself. Tell them. Everyone feels better when they hear a compliment. On the other hand, hold back on the criticisms. No one likes to be criticised, even if others label it as “constructive” criticism or “good for us”. It still hurts no matter how you dress it up and often the person criticising is just trying to change or mould someone into who they think that the other person “should be”.
When you criticise someone they often hear “you’re not good enough as you are right now?”, which can often spark negative and painful memories from when they were younger. Is this how you want your partner to feel? How would you feel if you were constantly criticised? Would it make you want to get closer to that individual?
5) Work out or ask them what you need to do to make them happy and then do it.
Different people have different needs. We often assume that people are exactly like us and like the things that we do but this often isn’t the case. Find out what they need from you and try to give it to them. Also find out what they would like you to stop doing so that you can improve the relationship.
6) Make them a priority.
Our intimate relationships are often the closest relationships that we have. We all have a basic need to feel important and when our partner demonstrates through their words and actions that we are important, it makes us feel good and it brings us closer to them.
Take a look at how you allocate your time. Have you been putting others first or work first? We often take our partners for granted and they fall lower down the priority list because we think that they will always be there and we don’t have to make an effort. This is a really easy pattern to get into. This can cause serious problems if they are becoming or are already secretly resentful. Is it time to make some changes?
7) Don’t take things too personally.
Often in relationships with others we think that they have behaved a certain way or not behaved in a certain way because of something that we have done or something that is wrong with us. This usually isn’t the case. We often react negatively when we take things personally and this isn’t good for any relationship and it has all started because we have made (usually incorrect) assumptions about the other person.
People often do what they do as a result of the beliefs they have and emotions that they feel at the time and it doesn’t always have anything to do with us.
However, in some instances, we have caused a problem by what we have said or done or not said and not done. In this instance, it’s best to self reflect and find a way to resolve the issue. An apology is always a good start, followed by consistent actions, which support the apology.
8) Drop the need to be right and “win”.
We often get into battles with other people, as we want to be right. We prioritise being right over being happy because we think that if we are proved right, we will be happy. The problem is that the other person feels that they have “lost” and they aren’t happy as a result. This usually causes resentment in them, which isn’t good for any relationship.
In addition to this, when couples are in “battle mode”, their minds usually search for ways to find ways of “winning” the argument. When both parties are doing it, this can just lead to an escalation of aggressive strategies to “win”. This can obviously cause serious harm to a relationship.
If you want to improve your relationship with your partner, stop asking yourself “how can I get them to agree with me? or “how can I win?” and start asking “what do I need to do or say to resolve this issue?”, “what do I need to do to find a way to reach an amicable agreement, where we both feel that we have been heard, considered and respected?”, “what do I need to stop doing to improve the relationship?” and “do I want to be happy or right?
I hope you have found these tips useful in improving your relationship with your partner. If you would like to improve your relationship, then a session with me can help you to do that. Contact me at emma@themindmermaid.com
Until next time…..
Emma
* Please be aware that this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be perceived as professional advice. I cannot guarantee results or be held accountable for dating outcomes based on the content of these blog posts. You use this information at your own risk. If you need assistance with your individual situation, please consult a professional.