I specialise in helping people to do the inner work required to help them to improve their relationship with someone else. This is usually a romantic relationship, but it can sometimes be a relationship with a family member, friend or colleague.

The first rule of relationships is that we can only control ourselves and our contribution to the relationship. This is why it is important to take a look at what positive changes we can make to ourselves, which in turn should then have a positive impact on the dynamic of the relationship.

There are many ways that we can contribute to problems in a relationship. Often we are completely unaware of how we are doing this. We can contribute to problems by what we do and also by what we don’t do.

The best way to overcome difficulties in a relationship is to find the real cause of the problem. Most (if not all) problems in relationships are caused by feelings, beliefs or the relationship patterns of the two people involved. These are all caused by their psychology (set of beliefs and memories). Therefore, the solution to problems is to work on changing the psychology (mindset) of the two people involved in the relationship.

And this is where EFT and Havening® come into play..……(see later for how)


How can doing the inner work help you to have a more harmonious relationship with someone?

Firstly, what is inner work?

Inner work involves becoming aware of how you are experiencing situations and how your psychology/mindset may be causing you problems.

It then involves finding the beliefs and memories (these create beliefs) in your subconscious mind (your inner world) that are causing you any problems and changing them.


How are beliefs related to the quality of the relationships that you have?

The beliefs that you have in your subconscious mind (inner world) heavily influence:

  • The emotions that you experience in the relationship
  • The perception you have of the other person and their behaviour
  • How you react to them, based on your perception
  • How you behave in the relationship
  • The amount of effort you make
  • The extent to which you consider their needs
  • What you avoid doing/don’t do in the relationship
  • What you say to them
  • The way that you speak to them
  • What you don’t say to them
  • What you tolerate
  • How you handle difficult situations and conversations
  • Your primary attachment style
  • Your relationship pattern/s


All of the above will influence the relationship that you have…….and your psychology drives it all. So, if any of the above is causing you problems, the way to resolve the issue is to change your beliefs, which in turn, will change the dynamic of the relationship .


How can EFT and Havening® help?

During sessions I primarily use two techniques and they are Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) and Havening®

Between the pair of them, they are very effective for changing:

  • Emotions
  • Beliefs
  • Memories


By using these techniques, you can change the memories that create the beliefs that are causing you problems in your relationship today.

By changing various beliefs and memories in your subconscious mind (i.e. doing the inner work), it can potentially change many things……..

It can change:

  • How you feel. For example, it can reduce/eliminate anger, frustration, and sadness (and other negative emotions) experienced in either a previous relationship (if it still affects you today) or the current one.
  • It can reduce any triggers that you have from your past, so that you react differently to the other person.
  • It can change your perception of the other person and their behaviours
  • It can positively change what you do in the relationship
  • It can positively change how you communicate in the relationship
  • It can change your primary attachment style


Are you having any problems in your relationship? Have a look at the list of ways that the beliefs in your subconscious mind can affect your relationship. Are any of them relevant for you? Are there any clues in there of how you can make changes, so that it can improve?

Do you need additional support to help you to overcome relationship difficulties? Email me for more details of how I can help you emma@themindmermaid.com


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