Kate (* not her real name & written with permission) came to me as she wanted to lose weight but found it really difficult and thought I might be able to help her…..
During the initial session I discovered that she wasn’t overeating but she was drinking a bottle of vodka every night and had done for the past 10 years.
To start to get to the root cause of the problem I asked her what emotion she felt just before drinking each night and she said loneliness.
I asked her what stopped her from spending time with people instead of staying in on her own. She said that she didn’t get on very well with people and wanted to keep away from them.
She said that she had fallen out with most of her friends and family members. She said that it was because people thought she was argumentative and she said that on reflection, she could see why they would say that. She also said that she didn’t want to spend time with people because she couldn’t trust them, because they’re “nothing but trouble”. From this statement alone I thought that she had had some very negative experiences with others to develop this belief.
I also asked her what was going on in her life 10 years ago when the drinking started. I knew that this would uncover something of interest as the subconscious mind usually comes up with behavioural strategies to cope when unpleasant things happen. She said that 10 years ago, she fell out with her whole family and all of them stopped speaking to her at that point. She was obviously distressed about this but was adamant that she felt that she was right to “stand her ground”.
It seemed that her loneliness was created by her difficulties with others and that her difficulties with others was caused by her argumentative behaviour.
I investigated further…….
I did some EFT on her issues with relationships and through this a memory popped up of when she was bullied at school. I asked her to talk to me about that (as she used Havening® touch). She said that she went home and told her father. Her father said “why didn’t you stand up for yourself? Next time, make sure you stand up for yourself”. This was a key piece of information in explaining why she behaved in argumentative ways. It seemed that her subconscious mind thought that to gain the love and approval of her father, she should “always stand up for herself”. Her subconscious also took it as a positive suggestion. Her mind concluded that if she “stood up for herself”, then the bullying would stop. This belief can lead people to behave in argumentative ways as they feel compelled to “always stand up for themselves”.
So, I came to the conclusion that the drinking each night was indirectly caused by the bullying and her father’s reaction all those years ago. Her belief that she should “stand up for herself” had led her to being argumentative and caused her all sorts of relationship problems, which had led to lonely nights, drinking and……subsequent weight gain.
To change problematic behaviour it’s important to get to the real reason for that behaviour.
So, what did we do to help her?
1) We used EFT to work on the beliefs that “I always need to stand up for myself” and “people are nothing but trouble”. Having a negative belief about other people is another possible reason why she couldn’t lose weight. Her subconscious mind was still protecting her and making her larger so that she could protect herself from people. This is a common reaction to people who have developed the belief that “people cause harm”, through adverse experiences.
2) We used Havening, EFT and Matrix reimprinting to work on healing the memories of being bullied and her father’s reaction.
3) We used these methods again to work on healing the memories of her disagreements with her family members and friends.
4) I sent her two hypnotic recordings, one was for weight loss/making healthy choices and the other for learning to love herself/self-esteem, which I asked her to listen to every day.
The outcome
* She stopped drinking every night. She now drinks on the odd occasion but not every day and she limits it to a glass or two rather than a whole bottle. She’s feels that she is now in control of her drinking.
* She’s lost weight as a result.
* She says that she is calmer around people and she gets on with them far better.
* She has started to rebuild her relationship with some of her family members
* She loved having the sessions. She felt listened to for the first time in years.
* She said that she’s really pleased that she is no longer troubled by the memories of being bullied. After all these years, she finally feels at peace with what happened.