One way to make sure that your relationship is going well is to ensure that the needs of both people within it are being met. This is because if at least one person feels that their needs aren’t being met, they will start to feel disgruntled/resentful, which if it continues, can start to cause real problems in a relationship.
Tony Robbins, one of the top success coaches in the world, argued that there are a few basic human needs (see below) and they need to be met for someone to be happy.
When I speak to clients who are having problems in their relationship, one of the first things I do is ask them to rate their relationship in terms of four of the basic human needs, identified by Tony Robbins. This activity helps them to start to see exactly why they are having problems. Once they know why there is a problem, they can start to make key changes to get the relationship back on track.
The four basic human needs that I ask them to assess are:
Need 1) Security, comfort and consistency
Need 2) Excitement, variety and fun
Need 3) Feeling important in the relationship
Need 4) Connection
Want to know how to assess YOUR relationship in relation to the basic needs?
Here are the 5 steps to help you to do just that:
1) Rate out of 10 to what extent YOUR four basic needs are being met in the relationship.
With 0 = it is not being met at all and 10 = it is being fully met.
For example, if your partner makes you feel secure and comfortable in the relationship, give them a high score out of 10. However, if you don’t have much fun or excitement and you’re a bit bored in your relationship, then give it a low score.
To help you do this, give a score in relation to each of the following questions:
(0= not at all & 10 = very secure)
* How secure and comfortable do you feel in the relationship?
* How much fun, variety and excitement do you currently experience in the relationship?
* How important do you feel in this relationship?
* How connected to your partner do you feel?
2) Brace yourself for this next step………as it will involve you assessing the extent to which your partners needs are being met in this relationship right now.
This will involve you considering what you do and don’t do.
Consider each of the needs from YOUR PARTNERS PERSPECTIVE.
If your partner had to rate the relationship for each of the four basic needs, what score would he give each out of 10?
Use the following questions to help you:
* How secure and comfortable does he feel in the relationship?
* How much fun, variety and excitement does he experience in the relationship?
* How important does he feel in this relationship?
* How connected to you does he feel?
3) Add up your scores and the scores for your partner. Each of you will have a score out of 40. Do you have similar scores or does one person have a noticeably higher score than the other?
4) Look to see if there are any low scores for either person. If there are, this will give you some indication of why there may be an issue or issues in the relationship.
5) Don’t worry if you or your partner score low on a particular need, they can always be improved upon by just making a few key adjustments. If there are any low scores, think of what you can do or your partner can do to increase the scores in relation to that particular need.
Ask yourself:
What can I do or stop doing to increase the scores that my partner will give?
What can my partner do or stop doing to meet my needs more?
* These are just generic basic needs. There are others that are very individual. If the basic needs of both people are being met but there are still problems, then the answer may lie in one of the individual needs instead.
Need any help to work on meeting your partners needs? Email me at emma@themindmermaid.com