I think we have all heard the phrase you have to kiss a lot of frogs until your find your prince. So, sometimes when I write about men that are unsuitable for someone I refer to them as frogs. There is nothing wrong with these men, as they will be a prince for some women but a frog to others.
The most common frog that I have come across is The Safe Frog.
This man can come in various forms. It is not his behaviour that places him into the safe frog category; it’s the woman’s perspective.
A safe frog is a man that a woman likes but isn’t fully into. She knows that he likes her. She has a relationship with him as the dynamic makes her feel safe and in control. This is because she knows that he likes her more than she likes him.
Lets find out more about this situation:
A woman’s safe frog is a nice man who she gets on well with. She knows that he won’t hurt her by behaving badly, letting her down or leaving her and that is why she is with him.
- She doesn’t have to feel the vulnerability that she would feel if she really liked someone.
- She doesn’t have to feel that panic and insecurity about losing someone that she really likes.
- She avoids the fear of being hurt because losing someone that you aren’t that into isn’t that painful.
The problem with being in a relationship with a safe frog is that she doesn’t feel the same emotional feelings that she would do with someone that she really likes and has great chemistry with.
In many instances the safe frog knows deep down that she isn’t really into him as she makes excuses for not being fully into the relationship, such as she’s busy or she doesn’t want to rush things. He secretly knows that if she really liked him, she wouldn’t make excuses to keep him at arms length. He knows that she would be making plans to see him. He hangs around either because he hopes that one day she will like him more or he thinks that this is the best type of relationship that he can get.
No woman keeps a man she really likes at arms length. She just can’t help herself.
After a while, the safe frog gets tired of not feeling fully wanted and starts to feel annoyed as he realises that he isn’t important to her. At this point, many safe frogs try to end the relationship. This is when she starts to panic, as she doesn’t want to lose her safe, comfortable frog. She also can’t believe that the safe frog is rejecting her! This is the reason why she chose him in the first place. She thought that he was a safe bet. She thought that she was safe from being rejected, as he liked her more than she liked him. Her panic isn’t an indication that she really likes him; it’s an indication that she doesn’t want to give up the comfort of this relationship and the safety from being rejected and hurt again.
Any woman who is in a relationship with a safe frog is settling; usually due to the fear of being hurt again.
- Have you ever been in a relationship with a safe frog?
- Are you currently in a relationship with a safe frog and have now realised that he isn’t for you?
If you are currently in a relationship with a safe frog, be aware that it is highly unlikely that you will ever be truly happy with him. You will feel comfortable and you will feel content but you will never experience those great feelings that you have when you are with someone that you really connect with. You are missing out on a fantastic part of life…….being with someone who makes your heart skip a beat.
In addition to this, it isn’t really fair on the safe frog to keep being in a relationship with him when you know he isn’t really for you. You will constantly send him the message that he isn’t quite good enough and that will be seriously painful for him.
Set him free so that he can move on and find someone who really likes him.
If you are with a safe frog and don’t want to leave, identify what you actually fear about finding someone who you really like?
Ask yourself what stops you from moving on?
Then ask yourself how will you feel in 20 years time if you don’t move on and find someone who is more for you? Will you regret living a life based on fear?
For those who want to move on but don’t feel that they can, then it may be time to work on the subconscious beliefs that are stopping you from moving on. I use EFT and Havening to help clients to remove the blocks to finding the right man for them.
I hope this blog has helped in some way
Until next time
Emma
P.s. If you would like help with any dating, relationship or breakup problem, then book a session with me. Contact me at emma@themindmermaid.com