After a breakup many people torment themselves even further and delay the moving on process by focusing only on the good parts of the relationship.

If you only focus on the good parts and ignore the bad, it will make the breakup even more painful because you will believe that you have lost something and haven’t benefitted at all. Loss leads to grieving, which can be exceptionally painful.

It is important to neutralise the fantasy games that your mind is playing on you and take off the rose tinted glasses that are causing you so much extra pain. To do this, take the time to assess the relationship realistically and logically (even though you may not feel like it) and pay attention to why your relationship wasn’t as rosy as you are remember.

If you do find that you keep focusing on the good parts of the relationship, then use this to your advantage. Make a note of the good aspects of the relationship and promise yourself that you will look for these when you are looking for your next partner.

There are two things you can do to help you to remove the rose tinted glasses from your head and reduce the pain of the perceived loss.


1) List the things that you have gained as a result of no longer being the relationship

Here are some possible examples depending on the type of relationship you had:

Here are some possible examples depending on the type of relationship you had:

I now have time to myself, where I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want
I can now flirt with other men and feel attractive and wanted
I can go on dates with other men and enjoy the excitement associated with the beginning of a relationship
I can spend all of my money on me
I can now wear what I want every day
I can feel in total control of my emotions every day

I now have the opportunity to focus on building my confidence and not be held back by anyone else’s opinion
I can see my friends whenever I want
I can watch whatever TV programmes I want, when I want


2) List the things that you avoid by not being in the relationship

Here are some possible examples depending on the type of relationship you had:

I can now avoid feeling insecure, which I did when he looked at and flirted with other women
I can now stop trying to win someone’s approval and attention, which was draining
I can now avoid the criticism from his mother
I don’t have to clean up after someone else
I avoid having to deal with his moods
I now avoid having to spend time with his friends that I didn’t like
I am now free of the insecurity I felt as a result of him not being fully part of the relationship
I am now free of being criticised by him
Write all of your answers down. If you are really depressed about the break up, then place both of your lists around your house, just so that you can be constantly reminded about the positive aspects of your current situation.


Remember that your ex is not the only man in the world and there are many men who could give you everything that your ex gave you and MORE! You just have to get yourself out there and enable men to find you!


Remember that you are in control of your thoughts and your life. Your future will be brighter if you focus on working on healing, whilst taking daily action to change your life.


I hope this blog has helped in some way

Until next time

Emma xxx


I use EFT tapping to help people to stop people feeling painful emotions that they are feeling after a breakup. If you would like help with recovering from a breakup, then email me to see how I can help you. Contact me at

Pin It on Pinterest